"And in the end, all I learned was how to be strong alone"
I have noticed that people generally like to be surrounded by other people. Probably because they are confused about being alone.
You have always considered loneliness as insecurity. Maybe that's why you want someone to be with you forever. Parents stay with you for a period of time, then you get friends. And after a certain age, you start looking for a permanent solution and then you make love.
At this time, you think of making another person completely your own so that he/she does not have to leave you. For this you sometimes marry.
If your relationship is healthy still your significant other will not be around your all the time. They may be with their friends, family, at work, asleep, playing games, working on a hobby, reading, and many other things that may or may not involve you.
And at that time too, you can always find someone else to hang out with at that time like your friends, family, co-workers, or you can even just take a nap. Read why relationships fail.
Instead of building yourself up in the time you are alone, you will be putting your self down with false assumptions like
“Why am I not interesting enough for them to want to hang out with me at all times?"
“Did I do something wrong? That must be why they chose to go out tonight with his friends instead of me.”
“They want me to feel alone, that’s why they aren’t picking up the phone. They have other things they would prefer to be doing other than talk to me.”
“I’m just not good enough for them.”
And it goes on like this.
But why is this, why are you unable to live alone? After all, why have you made your surroundings such that a day's solitude makes you feel lonely? Why should you need some support the next moment if you have break up? Why do you become so uncomfortable and insecure when Ignored by someone you love? Why you have never taught to be alone?
The true purpose of any relationship especially romantic
Why you can’t live alone?
Many of you struggle to live alone as you used to spend our lives mostly occupied with other people, things or work. You are so dependent on external factors for your needs, happiness etc. All your activities require other people to guide, support, and entertain you. Without others around, you feel lost, and sometimes even feel unwanted/ rejected.
And if you left alone for the first time and don’t know what to do with yourself then it can be a soul crushing experience for you. This leaves you with a lot of personal thoughts, that are unwanted and can lead to misery.
But this is the time that everyone should learn to be alone.
Why do smart people love being alone - Sadhguru on YouTube
This does not mean that you should cut off yourself from the outside world, I just want you to not feel lonely when you have no one with you or if someone ignores you. And this is possible only when you learn to live alone and that loneliness doesn't make you feel lonely.
With my experience, I have noticed that sometimes we feel lonely despite being surrounded by people and sometimes we find ourselves complete even in solitary.
I have learnt two things from this, one is that we do not need any other person to be complete and another one is that not people around you but your own emotions and thoughts make you feel lonely and ignorant. And you will surely know that once you learn to be alone.
I, here, recommend this book for my young readers on the nature of loss, losing and being lost. The author in this starts with the revelation that what is totally unknown to you is usually what you most need to discover and explores how finding that unknown quantity frequently requires getting lost to begin with.
How Being Alone Makes You Super Powerful?
With the power of being alone, some of the amazing feats you can achieve are:
Being alone and enjoying your own company will make feel your own emotions more intensely. And this way being alone makes you independent, now you don't have to go to anyone else about your personal issues. That's powerful. Isn't it?
Now, you no longer feel that anxiety, or burning desire for company. You get this super power of not needing for constant interaction with other people, or the anxiety associated with looking around and seeing no one but yourself.
Scheduling some alone time allows you process your thoughts deep on level without interruptions, giving way to creativity, productivity and other useful things.
When you start enjoying alone, then you stop making a difference whether someone is with you or not. It lets you appreciate all the great things that come from your relationships with other people, most of which you were oblivious to before.
Now not only you are happy but also those people who were tired of listening to your emotional issues. Now if someone ignores you, you give him time without being engrossed in his own thoughts and hope that all is right.
And even if you are being ignorant deliberately, you remain happy because now you know that you do not need anyone else to be happy.
"We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone." - Orson Welles
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