Getting over someone you loved seems the hardest thing people do. Moving on is more about the way you see yourself and the failed relationship than it is about figuring out what went wrong. Here are the five things you should accept to get over people.
You can’t move on until you accept these things.
1. You Don’t need closure every time
The closure is said to be provided you with a break-up to rely your recovery upon. If you could know what exactly went wrong in your relationship so that you can improve, then it becomes easy to close the door of the past and move on. You want closure to leave the past behind and move forward. You want closure so that you can base your entire break-up recovery on it.
And if you didn’t get the closure, you feed your mind hundreds of thousands of different reasons why that person just didn’t want to be with you or why your relationship failed.
But sometimes it’s better off not knowing the real reason for not working out your relationship. Just accept that the reason is probably pathetic or superficial or confusing if a person cannot dignify you with an explanation as to why he or she no longer wants to be with you.
If you get the closure or not, your past will always be your past. So just accept the past and appreciate it because it moulds you into the person you are or will become.
You have far better achievements, people and experiences awaiting you. Obsessing over closure is only holding you back from unleashing your inner potential.
2. What people do is about them, not you
Here is a trap. A trap of thinking that people care for you. They don’t. Everyone has their own lives to consider. How much time do you spend thinking about other people? Maybe 10 minutes. That’s not that much time. And it’s probably the same amount of time that the person spends thinking about you.
Whatever they do or say, is all about themselves. Take the example of the first point. If a person doesn’t want to be with you or isn’t able to give you an explanation then probably he or she has their own insecurities. It has nothing to do with you.
And it’s perfectly okay that people don’t care about you. It’s normal. It also frees you up to make decisions for proper reasons and not under the influence of someone. Make your decision for yourself. The ones that matter the most to you. Doing so leads to a lot less disappointment.
3. Some things can not be explained
Some things can not be explained in words. If they do, they lose their meaning or create confusions. The example of closure after ending if a relationship is perfect for that.
Most often breakup happens without any solid reason. Know why? Because the decisions taken by people in a relationship are generally based on feelings. And that’s the reason that people failed to give an authentic explanation for ending a relationship.
“Some things can’t be explained. They just are. And after a while they disappear, usually forever, or become interesting in another way.” – Richard Ford
So just accept the fact that all things are no mean to understand or explained. They are as they are. Admitting that it’s not your fault and it had to happen can alleviate your pain and can help you to move on easily.
4. Some people can’t apologize
Some people find it so hard to accept that they are wrong. Even getting them to admit the smallest wrongdoing involves a major battle – a fruitless one.
They can debate and call you names in anger, can do all the wrong to you but never going to say they are wrong. It might be the defensiveness of their pride or efforts to protect a fragile sense of self. Therefore, saying sorry can open the gate of shame for them. And so they feel bad about their selves—who they are—which is what makes shame the most toxic emotion.
So, some people never going to say sorry. Just accept it.
5. You can not change people
Being human you tend to blame others when some disturbance occurs to you, hence you set out to try and fix it. You attempt to change the person you assume the cause of your disturbance into something you consider right.
But you should know that you can’t control anyone else’s behaviour, and you can’t make another person want to or be able to change no matter how hard you try. They change themselves when they want.
But you can always choose to shift your attention inward, to focus the lens of curiosity onto yourselves. This the surest path to freeing yourself from the cycle of blame and the need to change what you don’t like. Ultimately, self-awareness is the most powerful and profound antidote to suffering.
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One things i learned helped a lot is...Don't expect anything much from people... like, dont think that they should be like this and this and this ... if you do it, dont expect return. just dont expect and put too much hope, you wont be upset or disappointed. Let it flow and let destiny takes it.