One of the worst (as people call it) feeling that young adults experience is the feeling after a breakup. Yes, having a breakup is hard. It’s an inevitable shock. It changes everything you've become acquainted with. There may also be many questions, such as what went wrong, what could you have done differently, and why weren't you good enough. At some point, you'll probably wonder if your heart will ever heal from the breakup.
The answer is YES. Yes, your heart will recover from the hurt you’re feeling right now. But it will take time (I don’t want to comfort you with a lie). The unfortunate truth is that having a broken heart sucks and it’s going to continue to suck until it doesn’t. You have to understand that a breakup is a very normal part of many of the relationships in your lives. It happens to all of us at some point or another, there is nothing shameful about it happening to you now. One day you may feel relieved, the next day you may feel stressed again - the third day you may feel angry at your ex or at yourself.
The good news is that you can heal from breakups at a high speed without going through all the bullshit you do while dealing with the tough time. Yes, you do bullshit after your breakup like;
Tell the same sad story to yourself again and again
Feel victim
Listen to sad songs
Block your ex
Try to bump into new people
Look for closures
The internet is full of stuff about how to deal with a breakup and it can tell you what should you do after a breakup. Many are there with the same stuff like take your time, accept and move on set boundaries, take care of yourself, love yourself more, try dating apps, reconnect with old friends, put yourself at work and so on. I recommend you to read the best one, I read from Refinery29.
Of course, these things help but it’s temporary and can take a long time and may also put you into the same jar after each breakup. Healing after a breakup is a process that takes time. You have to go through all of high and low emotions and understand why you feel each and every one of them.
How to recover from Breakup?
So, here I am with the best concept of healing post-breakup with the new research that makes your recovery strong and permanent. Recovering from breakup involves reflecting on your relationship, self-concept reorganization and rebuilding who you are. Before you read on I would like to let you know that I’m excited to announce that we have a new release now. Click here for all kinds of discovering yourself books to heal your trauma and free your heart.
Reflect on your Relationship
Reflecting on your relationship will help to bring a different perspective to things. When you were in the relationship, you were in love which could blur things, hide things and dress things up, sometimes at the cost of clarity. But there will be a level of insight that will throw itself at your feet when you reflect on the relationship from a more distant perspective. Relationships have a profound impact on the beliefs we have about ourselves, whether we realise it or not. During the course of a relationship, it’s very normal to ‘intertwine’ with a partner. Goals and directions change, as well as wants and needs for now and the future.
Try to construct a story from your relationship that gives meaning to your experience. And then try to understand this story from a position of strength. The point is to find out the lessons. You can use a journal to write your experience of the relationship, the breakup, the recovery. Define the thoughts and feelings that are swirling around inside.
Try to be neutral while writing your experiences as if you’re talking to a stranger. As well as being an emotional release, journalism also encourages a fresh perspective and new insights. Learn the lesson and reframe your experience. For example, say breakup an ending, rather than a rejection. You will see that the pain of a breakup is nothing but a collection of emotions, like;
Shock
Anger
Disappointment
Rejection
Embarrassment
Disillusionment
Guilt
Betrayal
Confusion
Stress
Fear
Relief
Denial
Despair
Hopefulness
Loneliness
Self-Concept Reorganization
Self-Concept Reorganization is the important process while healing post-break-up which involves rebuilding and strengthening the sense of who you are, independent of the relationship. Read why relationships fail
Relationships significantly affect the beliefs you have about yourself, whether you realise it or not. While being in a relationship, it’s very normal to ‘intertwine’ with a partner. Everything from wants and needs to goals and directions change, not because you lose yourself, though that can happen too, but because intimacy involves opening up to another person, opening up to their love, wants, needs, feelings, opinions, love, goals, dreams.
And this happens without any efforts, without your control over it as you can’t help but be influenced and eventually move in the same direction. Sometimes that involves adjusting your sails. It’s all a healthy part of being with someone fully, and part of the unpredictable magic of relationships. Read the book, How to move on from toxic relationships: Learn to live and love again.
And then a breakup happens, which means you have to undo all this merging, which is painful to go through. However strong and independent a person may be, the fracturing of a relationship can also mean the fracturing of the self-concept. One of the most painful parts of a breakup is that it up-ends things as you’ve come to know them. The familiar is gone, plans are changed and the future all of a sudden has too many blank spaces where happy things used to be.
So, it’s time to recognise yourself as independent of your relationship. Know who are as an individual. The key is you can’t have what you want until you decide who you are as an individual. Yes, you have relationships with other people, but who you are, what your interests are and how you feel about your family all combine to unleash your negotiation potential for yourself.
Rebuilding Who You Are
The most valuable advice if I have ever gotten is, this line, “Focus on investing in yourself and the rest will fall into place.”
Healing completely when you re-establish yourself who you are without your partner. Think about the parts of yourself that might have been pushed aside during the relationship. When you’ve found these, find ways to build them and nurture them. Read the book, Emotions and Relationship by Sadhguru.
Find new ways to expand your self-concept. When you feel ready, (or maybe a little before then) take up new interests, establish new goals or re-establish your direction. Given that your need to connect has been messed with, anything that will allow you to connect with others who will also see you as your own, unique person will help the healing process.
Above all else, remember that there were things about you that were beautiful, strong, vibrant and extraordinary before the relationship. Nothing has changed.
Handle breakup gracefully – YouTube
Extra tip: Don’t bump into other people or relationships without healing completely. Stay alone for now as you figure yourself out.
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