We can only receive another’s love in the way that we give them ours. Though they can love us their way as long as they want, we can only receive it our way. We cannot experience what we do not allow others to experience.
And that brings us to the evil green-eyed monster that none of us wants but almost all of us possess i.e. Jealousy.
What is jealousy?
Jealousy is nothing but a tangle of thoughts and emotions triggered by perceived threats to a career or relationship, and it is given a bad name because of the way some people act when it hits them. So, we can say jealousy is a negative feeling and a derivative of fear.
Though every feeling, as I always say is helpful in one way or another and so is jealousy. It can help us in developing awareness about things we might want to address in our life, like a stagnant career or a lacklustre love life. When applied to our romantic relationship, it can help us in identifying the behaviours (in both you and your partner) that trigger our feelings of jealousy.
Jealousy may have it’s positive sides though like
1. It is a good motivator.
2. Jealousy in a relationship is an eye-opener.
3. It teaches you empathy.
4. Jealousy makes your mind wonder.
5. Red flags come up and you get a reality check.
But this is only a good thing if we choose to act on it with a positive frame of thought. Take it in, make it ours, and let it be our guiding light.
But do we really do that? No, we can’t. Because that’s not how we understand it. It has been induced in our memory since the very beginning of our life. We never think that we can love or grow without being jealous. And leave people, we are told that even God cannot love us without getting jealous.
Actually the concept itself came from the God's Love. Yeah, we think that Our God will get jealous if we worship him/her in another form. If you are a Muslim and worship a Shivalinga (A Hindu Idol), it will be called blasphemy and Allah will punish you because you made him jealous and vice versa. Seriously? 😀
But as George Bernard Shaw said that all great truths begin as blasphemies. We must understand that this jealousy-ridden kind of love is not the way that God love, yet this is the way that we have perceived 'His' love, because this is the way that we have loved each other, and it is killing us.
Literally, we have been known to kill each other, or ourselves, because of our jealousies.
Jealousy is a killer - YouTube
If you love another person, you tell them that they must love you, and only you. If they love another person, you become jealous. And this is not where it ends. You are not only jealous of other people, you are jealous of jobs, of hobbies, of children, of anything that takes the focus of your loved one away from you.
“Jealousy takes many forms, it has many faces. Not a one of them is beautiful. It can never be beautiful until perceived in a positive frame.”
Why being Jealous is not a good option?
Because you always try to be the sole owner. You need to have claim on someone. You need a declaration from other person that he or she loves you and only you, only you must be chosen by them. And you get very jealous if you find them giving their attention to something other than you.
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How to not be jealous?
First, get rid of your idea that your happiness depends on others, anything outside of yourself, and you will be free of jealousy.
Get out of your thought that love is about what you get in exchange for what you give, and you will be free of jealousy.
Remove your claim on any other person’s time or energy or resources or love, and you will be free of jealousy.
Live your life for a new reason. Understand that purpose of your life has nothing to do with what you get out of it, and everything to do with what you put into it. This is also true of relationships.
The purpose of life is to create your Self anew, in the next grandest version of the greatest vision ever you held about Who You Are. It is to announce and become, express and fulfill, Experience and know your true Self.
This requires nothing of the other people in your life or any other person in particular. That is why you can love others without requiring anything of them.
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