It is natural for people to feel manipulative in relationship, friendship or in career. Sometimes you can’t even tell that someone is manipulating you. This is a problem that can lead to others along the way. So here in this article, you will learn what is emotional manipulation and psychological manipulation, what manipulation tactics people use to manipulate you, what are the signs of manipulation in relationship with others and what to do about it.
In this article
Read this story From Panchtantra 'The Fox And The Crow' carefully
A fox lived in a forest. She was very hungry. She started roaming here and there in search of food to satisfy her hunger. She scoured the whole forest, when she did not find anything even after wandering in the whole forest, she sat down under a tree being troubled by heat and hunger. Suddenly his eyes went up. A crow was sitting on the tree. He had a piece of bread in his mouth.
Seeing the bread in the crow’s mouth, that hungry fox’s mouth filled with water. She started thinking of a way to snatch the bread from the crow. Suddenly she came up with a solution and then she said to the crow, “Crow brother! You’re very beautiful. I have heard your praise a lot, heard you sing very well. All are crazy about your melodious voice. Won’t you sing me a song?
The crow was very happy to hear his praise. He got into the sweet talk of the fox and without thinking he opened his mouth to sing the song. As soon as he opened his mouth, the piece of bread fell down. The hungry fox hurriedly picked up the piece and ran away.
Read the Timeless stories from Ancient India
Manipulation definition
So, coming to the manipulation definition….. manipulation are the actions taken by a person to try to control others, usually in a deceptive or harmful way. The manipulator (the person who manipulate), fox in the above story, seeks to create an imbalance of power, and take advantage of a victim to get power, control, benefits, and/or privileges at the expense of the victim (crow in above story). Manipulation can happen in any relational context but they are more common in closely formed relationships including family, friends, professional or romantic relations.
Types of Manipulation
People who manipulate others attack their mental and emotional sides to get what they want. And so there are two types of Manipulation.
Psychological manipulation
It involves pressure to change behaviors or beliefs by applying deceptive or distorted tactics.
Emotional manipulation
In it the manipulator uses some tactics to trigger intense emotional reactions deliberately meant to drain another person’s energy or to destabilize their emotional well-being.
Manipulation tactics people use to manipulate
Manipulators have common tactics to use to manipulate you and make you more likely to give in to their requests. A few common examples include:
Guilt - Manipulation always start with guilt. They makes you feel guilty for everything. They can convince you to feel guilty for your actions (even when you’ve done nothing wrong).
Ingration - They deliberately establish themselves in your good graces to get something from you or to get ahead.
Blaming – They keep blaming you for the negative emotions they experience.
Silent treatment - They ignore you or cease talking to you as a form of emotional punishment.
Lying - They may be dishonest by misrepresenting or hiding or twisting the truth.
Mind games - They might make sarcastic comments or jokes that can be later dismissed with “I was just joking” or “You take everything too personally.
They use these tactics by saying
“I’m just telling you these things for your own good.”
“You’ll never amount to anything without some tough love.”
“Learn to take a joke. You won’t get far in life if you’re always so sensitive.”
Sign of Manipulation
Each and every point needs a deep introspection and self-awareness, because in order to spot toxic people you cannot focus entirely on their behavior. You may not recognize manipulation immediately, since it’s often subtle. But you might notice some key signs you need to keep in your heart to battle the situation.
Too much too soon
They flatter you with praise and for some reason, you don’t find it creepy. They tell you how much they have in common with you. Then they suddenly become reclusive and uninterested. They make you feel desperate & needy, ensuring that you are always the one to initiate contact or physical intimacy.
Compare you to everyone else in their life
They compare you to everyone be it their ex-lover, friends, family members, or your eventual replacement. When idealizing, they make you feel special by telling you how much better you are than these people. When devaluing, they use these comparisons to hurt you.
Expect you to read their mind
If they stop communicating with you for several days, it’s your fault for not knowing about the plans they never told you about. There will always be a self-victimizing excuse to go along with this.
Actions don’t match their words
Psychological manipulators will tell you what you want to hear, but their actions are another story. They pledge their support, but, when it comes time to follow through, they act as though your requests are entirely unreasonable. They tell you how lucky they are to know you, and then act as though you’re a burden.
Play victim
When it comes to emotional manipulators, nothing is ever their fault. No matter what they do or fail to do it’s someone else’s fault. Someone else made them do it and, usually, it’s you. If you get mad or upset, it’s your fault for having unreasonable expectations; if they get mad, it’s your fault for upsetting them. Emotional manipulators don’t take accountability for anything.
Emotional blackmail
Generally a family member or a lover use emotional blackmail to make a deliberate appeal to your feelings to try and convince you to do what they want. This won’t last, though. Now they know you’ll go along with what they want if they use the right tactic. So, they likely won’t hesitate to blackmail you again.
Aggression or personal attacks
Aggressive manipulation tends to involve more obvious attempts to control your behavior, including shaming or mocking you or blaming you when things go wrong, insulting, harsh criticisms, and other tactics designed to make you feel inferior.
10 signs of Master Manipulator – YouTube
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How to deal with being manipulated
When manipulation becomes harmful, dealing with others can be tiring. Manipulation in the workplace has been shown to reduce performance, and manipulative behavior from loved ones can make reality seem questionable. If you feel you are being manipulated in any kind of a relationship, it may be helpful to:
Avoid people who engage in love-bombing
If someone is trying to get a particular emotional response from you, choose not to give it to them. For example, if a manipulative friend is known to flatter you before asking for an overreaching favor, don’t play along—rather, reply politely and move the conversation along.
Assert yourself and your boundaries out loud
Sometimes, manipulation may include one person’s attempts to cause another person to doubt their abilities, intuition, or even reality. If this happens, it may help to stick to your boundaries; however, if this happens often in a close relationship, it could be time to leave.
Speak to others about the manipulation
Call out the manipulative behavior as it’s happening. Talking to others on how the other person’s actions are affecting you rather than starting with an accusatory statement may also help you reach a resolution.
Stay on-topic
When you point out a behavior that makes you feel manipulated, the other person may try to minimize the situation or muddle the situation by bringing up other issues as a distraction. Remember your main point and stick to that.
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