What is forgiveness? How to forgive someone easily?

Almost everyone of you might have experienced being wronged by someone. And you might feel certain you’ll never be able to get over it. Even after your immediate anger passes, you might continue to dwell on the betrayal instead of letting it fade into memory. Sometimes the hurt is very deep, such as when a spouse or a parent betrays your trust, or when you are victims of crime, or when you’ve been harshly bullied. Anyone who has suffered a grievous hurt knows that when inner world is badly disrupted, it’s difficult to concentrate on anything other than the turmoil or pain.

It’s pretty common to feel this way. But hanging on to those negative feelings can do great harm to your health and not being able to forgive can harm you most.

What is Forgiveness and what is not?

Forgiveness says you are given another chance to make a new beginning.— Desmond Tutu

Forgiveness is often defined as an individual, voluntary internal process of letting go of feelings and thoughts of resentment, bitterness, anger, and the need for vengeance and retribution toward someone who we believe has wronged us, including ourselves.

Forgiveness might seem challenging because you often misunderstood forgiveness. You might believe forgiving someone means:

Forgetting what happened

Implying the pain they caused was no big deal

Automatically resuming your previous relationship

Tolerating the situation or any form of denial and suppression of emotions create more stress.

In reality, forgiveness simply means choosing to let go of your anger, hurt, and desire for vengeance.

You might accept that what happened is now in the past, recognize that people make mistakes, and begin cultivating compassion instead.

Think you’re ready to forgive but have no idea where to start? That’s OK. It’s not always easy, but we’re here to help.

Why forgiving is important?

Many people see forgiveness as something that helps the person who has been forgiven. It certainly can make them feel better, but forgiveness benefits you most who is forgiving.

Forgiveness helps you heal

Holding onto resentment can sour you and keep you from finding peace. When you can’t forgive, your emotional wounds can’t close and heal.

Forgiveness, in other words, enables you to begin moving away from anger and resentment before they seep into all areas of your life.

Forgiveness can improve other relationships

Harbouring anger toward someone who hurt you doesn’t just affect your relationship with that person.

Grudges and angry feelings can eventually overflow into your other relationships. Offering compassion instead of anger can help increase feelings of connection to all people, not just the person you forgive.

Forgiveness has health benefits

By practising forgiveness, you may be doing your health a favour.

Forgiveness allows you to let go of unhealthy anger which helps you reduce stress and ultimately less anxiety, less muscle tension, better sleep.

In general, forgiveness has an overall positive impact on emotional health, well-being, and empathy for others.

Forgiveness can help you reconcile

First, it’s important to understand that you can forgive someone without resuming contact or picking a relationship back up.

You can forgive someone even if you know you can never have the same relationship.

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.– Mahatma Gandhi

That said, everybody makes mistakes. When a loved one hurts you, forgiving them can open the door to relationship repair.

In many cases, the act of forgiveness can help someone who inadvertently caused pain to realize how they hurt you.

This provides an opportunity for learning and growth.

Forgiveness may not mend your relationship immediately, but it’s a good start.

How to forgive someone?

The following steps can help you develop a more forgiving attitude—and benefit from better emotional and physical health.

Reflect

The first step is to reflect on the wrongdoing. That includes the events themselves, and also how you reacted, how you felt, and how the anger and hurt have affected you since. The goal is not to think of the person in a negative light nor to wallow in self-pity, but to come to a clear understanding of the wrong that was done. Visualize the person and situation all the feelings that come with it. Don’t push aside anything, especially if it makes you feel angry or upset.

Empathize

Next, try to understand the other person’s point of view regarding why he or she hurt you, but without minimizing or down on playing the wrong that was done. Sometimes the wrongdoing was not personal, but due to something the other person was dealing with. People who attack others are sometimes in a state of fear, worry, and hurt. They often don’t think when they hurt others, they just lash out.

Remember no one is perfect

Addressing your own shortcomings and understand that human is made to make mistakes. Recall a time when you treated someone harshly and were forgiven. How did it make you feel? Recognizing this helps you realize that forgiveness is an altruistic gift that you can give to others.

Let go of expectations

An apology may not change your relationship with the other person or elicit an apology from her. If you don’t expect either, you conjoined.

Decide to forgive

Once you make that choice, seal it with an action. Be determined to forgive. Write about your forgiveness in a journal or letter instantly that you don’t send or tell a friend.

Forgive smaller things first

If you’re having trouble forgiving a big hurt, practice self-compassion instead of giving yourself a hard time. It’s normal to struggle, but you can get more accustomed to practising forgiveness by making it a point to forgive regularly in your daily life.

Did someone take your lunch out of the fridge at work? Maybe they’re struggling to afford food for themselves. Practice compassion and forgive the theft instead of getting angry.

Forgive yourself

Self-compassion and self-forgiveness are important tools to have before trying to forgive someone else. It’s important to consider whether self-blame may be getting in the way of your ability to forgive. Remember, someone else’s decision to hurt you is never your fault.

On the last note

When the bad feelings arise, remind yourself that you have forgiven and ultimately you want good for the offender. If needed, revisit your commitment by reading your journal entries or letters, or recalling the shared conversation with a friend.

How forgiveness works – YouTube

An insight on forgiveness - YouTube

Simple tricks that make forgiveness easy – YouTube

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